Sooo I’m sitting here in Rio, with a view over the beach in
Barra de Tijuca. I’m feeling the classic, “what you don’t have you want. And
when you have that, you want something else.”
I’m reminiscing my life in the US (five years flew by!), and
most of the time I absolutely loved it. First, 3 years of MFA Dance program, and then
2 years of full time administrative and academic work at The University of Oklahoma. I left the US with the
decision to start a new adventure and leave academia for a while. Then I was in
NL and I terribly missed the US. I felt like I was literally in between places,
and felt like I belonged nowhere. Now I’m in Brazil and absolutely love it,
yet again I miss the US. Of course it’s also because the love of my life and my
friends whom are like family are there. And perhaps with my friends
here, who were exchange students at OU, we talk about “Soonerland” quite often. Interestingly,
I never really miss the Netherlands; perhaps because I know it’s always there
waiting, and my family is always there as a “safe haven.” I do, however, look
forward to building something there. Building a network, working, creating,
teaching, expanding horizons. And: to be able to hop on a train and go to Paris
for a weekend, for example. Sitting on a little terrace of a mini corner
restaurant, sipping a cappuccino with Widad. Yes, that does sound lovely. That’s
the European life.
The decision is still to—after these five months of
traveling—move to Amsterdam, with the hope that my man will join me. The hope
is to have three places to go to each year, live and work in Amsterdam most of the year; and then have shorter term gigs in New York City and Rio de Janeiro.
Sounds like a good plan for us right?
I have to add: In this moment I just want to be reunited with my man. I
wish my lover man was with me right now, sharing this view, going for a jog
together, chatting about Brazilian culture together, getting on a bus together
not knowing where it’ll take us, standing under Corcovado looking over Rio
together. Together.
So, that… But, I’m totally digressing from what the title of
this entry implies. Going through an identity crisis (and somewhat of a quarter
life crisis perhaps)? (Okay, yes, the clock is ticking, only 1,5 year and I am
30; therefore, the decisions crunch is clearly felt: the where to go, what to do, get married, have children questions) Let’s talk culture in the meantime: I am Dutch, yes. And, I feel quite American. Plus, I’m very much at home in the Brazilian culture. So can’t I just
be all three, even though I was born in the Netherlands? DUH, this is not a
crisis. I am embracing all of this! Screw all the doom and gloom thoughts in my
life; including what I think I can’t accomplish. I just told a friend yesterday, who wants her career to be dance and not engineering, that she can do anything.
That nothing is impossible. That everything is possible. HERE WE GO! Make what
you want possible. And find happiness in the process. The product is only the
end of a new beginning.
Hoi, ik ben
Nederlandse. Meu nome e Lieneke. Can I have this venti latte macchiato to go? Com
chocolate por favor. Obrigada! Doei!
