OSHO speaks of attachment/detachment from love. That passion is sufficating. That it stops freedom. My partner Ash speaks of his job as something that he does and that he doesn't identify with his work. He teaches Qi Kung and meditation classes and does that from the heart after his "day job" finishes. I have felt a tad defensive in these conversations and said that I completely attach myself to dance because it's my passion and my life. Does my attachment to dance make me a better choreographer? What am I trying to defend? "I wouldn't know who I am if it wasn't for dance," I have heard myself say.
This weekend I had a conversation about this same topic with a good friend, Lenneke, who's also a dancer and choreographer. When she mentioned the same thing as Ash this thought process started sinking in in a different way. In lieu of OSHO's discourse on love, I think of my passion for dance... What if I "do" dance versus "am" dance, what if I no longer lend my identity to dance completely? That I am who I am with or without it... can this be?
The source of our suffering as dancers and artists is because we "are" what we do. And if that ever comes to a halt we don't know who we are anymore. We Are Lost.
OSHO's discourse on love/passion/attachment:
http://www.osho.com/library/online-library-love-passion-attachment-5de53298-b88.aspx
Can it be that dance formed some kind of obsession, addiction even, and that it's time to come "clean?" I have always said that dance was my best friend and if it hadn't been for dance that I wouldn't be here today. It's been my comfort zone and at the same time all but that. I've experienced very tough periods in my life of great suffering. However, the suffering is over. I am a healthy woman with all basic needs met: love, food, and shelter. And, I happen to have a great interest in creating dance art. My inner happiness should be present and radiate truly from within.
Maybe it's time to drop the passion, to drop the attachment to dance. I remember a conversation with my thesis committee member Dr. Susan F. Sharp. During the process of writing my MFA thesis we became friends. Over dinner, after I graduated, we spoke about Buddhism and how it plays a role in our lives. She said that the moment she dropped ambition she became a better teacher and received awards, etc. She didn't look to be successful, but it came to her path because she dropped the attachment to her career. These moments of talking about "ambition," "success," and "passion" all start to come together in this culminating period in my life where I too can make that decision to "let go" and be free again. Start finding true joy in the projects I do, because I believe in them, because they nurture my soul. Not because it's a life or death situation.
It feels like my passion for dance has become suffocating. Since I'm a much more healed woman as an adult now, I no longer need to cling on to dance as if it's my last string to life. It may have been, but it no longer is.
I am grateful.
OSHO's discourse on love/passion/attachment:
