SPOKEN WORD by a Control Freak

When I’m alone

I think

I breathe

I think

I feel

I love

I think

I judge

            Myself

            Others

            My partner

When I’m alone

I suffocate

I realize

            All the things I could do better

I judge

            Myself

I think

            About all the things that could be better

Wait a minute

I thought I was a positive person

I’m far more negative than I thought….

Aah shit, this makes me sad.

Am I one of those people that say bunches of shit, that ring really true and all, and sound very spiritual, but I allow myself not to live by those rules? But everyone else should? Okay, I’ve also learned about myself that I have the tendency to beat myself up over the head when I’m wrong. wrong wrong wrong

It’s time

            Time to practice what I preach

If I walk in forgiveness

            I truly forgive

If I walk in love

            I truly love unconditionally

If I live patiently

            I know how to wait

If I am willing

If I am able

If I am what I think I am

            I am Love

But really

            I’m a Control Freak

The two don’t go together

            Let go

            Release

            Let Be

            Embrace

Realization is 90% of the work, and it’s always proven true to me. When I realize something about myself, how I function, what I do, etc. then I can make a change. In this case: embracing imperfection.

Now I realize I’m by far not always as positive as I think I am.

Now I realize I’m a shitty partner sometimes.

Now I realize I’m not perfect.

Can I release the thoughts of having to be perfect all the time? I’m NOT. Listen Lieneke, you’re not. But you do have a huge heart, you want to help every dog you see on the street, you cry seeing your dancer perform a solo because you know she lives in a dangerous drug ridden favela, and you do what you can to bring light to her life. You give them a gift. The gift of dancing. You’re not a bad person, you’re just not perfect. And that’s okay. Be imperfectly perfect. Or perfectly imperfect. It is alright.

You Love Him.

He Loves You.

Open the door to move the shit out

And keep that door open to allow the beauty of life in