"Oh Bailarina" SMALL ENCOUNTERS, BIG IMPACTS

Today I was invited for lunch by a family in the community. Two parents & one little 3-year old named Laura Luisa. She was dying to meet the "bailarina" (translated as "dancer" aka Lieneke).

Within two minutes I was inside the house she said "Oh bailarina, em meu quarto eu tenho muitas coisas" (Oh dancer, in my bedroom I have many things) and she grabbed my hand to show me her room. After she had proudly presented me with her favorite doll that can speak ("dar um beijnho" - give me a kiss), we went into the kitchen/dining area.

Little Laura with-big-brown-eyes-and-curly-brown-hair-with-a-little-dress-just-like-mine showed me my seat (at the head of the table!) and she came to sit next to me, then she stood by me, then she came to sit on my lap and she started all of her sentences with "Oh bailarina... "

I showed her first position of the arms (lay terms: arms in sort of a circle above the head) and she immediately gasped and her mouth stayed open for a while. I had to giggle a bit that she was just in awe with this simple arm movement. But I realized in that very moment... I was 4 years old when I saw ballet on television for the first time, which made me want to become a dancer. A turning point in my life.

With Laura today I realized that she may (or may not) remember this day for the rest of her life. Small encounters can have big impacts. You just never know.

NO DESTINATION, ONLY THE JOURNEY #30 #unmarried #childless #livinginthenow #content #loveinmyheart

http://convergemagazine.com/26-unmarried-and-childless-8736/

I'm 30, unmarried, and childless. I can so feel what this young, 26 year old woman is feeling (see writing in link).

Ever since my sister had a baby 7 years ago (mind you I was only 23 at that time-and more kids followed), people have asked me if I wanted to become a mom now too. I was called the "Last of the Mohicans" when my second sister got married. I was asked when I was going to get married.

Why do I feel like I haven't succeeded in the eyes of others until I "settle down" with a husband, babies, and a house with a yard? Because well, an apartment in Amsterdam doesn't really lend itself for building a family (but my neighbors are a family of 8 in a 3-bedroom apartment), does it?

Every time I took on another journey, another study, another endeavor, it was expressed as "only a phase." This "phase talk" made me feel that I was continuously on my way to that final destination: marriage and that what I was doing at that moment "didn't really count."    

"Oh after this trip she'll settle down." 
"Oh she's doing a masters, yeah do it while you can. After that you'll probably settle, right?" 
"Oh extending your time in the US, well I can't ask you to become godmother of my child because you don't have a stable life. You understand, right?" 
"Oh traveling through South America, yeah do it while you can." 

So, for a few years I started living toward this destination. During my relationships I thought, is this the person I'll marry? Okay, where shall we live? When do we get married? When will we have kids?

P R E S S U R E

Until I felt... Why would I design my life around a non-existing marriage and non-existing children? I will redesign my life when the time comes, if it comes. 

There is NO DESTINATION, ONLY THE JOURNEY. I feel love in my heart, live in the moment as much as I can, give to others, and seek to find my inner truths. I give, I live.

Yes, at this point in my life I would love to become a mommy and have a stable relationship with more certainty in my heart that he is the person I'm potentially building a family with, and I have my hormonal moments, but I don't want to push my life into directions that aren't natural (I allow myself to cry sometimes when I'm feeling it all too much when others are talking about babies or flaunting pictures of their precious children). I'm enjoying my kids, my students.

Do you want to see pictures of them?
Because I love them.

(I took this picture today at our school performance).

Amanda (22) I have known Amanda since she's 14, since the first project I did here. I was 22 at the time.
Lúbia (18) My bebezinha, known her since the last project in 2012.
Lucas (18) My other bebezinho, known him since the last project in 2012.

These kids have stole my heart and I love it when they call me mãe.