http://convergemagazine.com/26-unmarried-and-childless-8736/
I'm 30, unmarried, and childless. I can so feel what this young, 26 year old woman is feeling (see writing in link).
Ever since my sister had a baby 7 years ago (mind you I was only 23 at that time-and more kids followed), people have asked me if I wanted to become a mom now too. I was called the "Last of the Mohicans" when my second sister got married. I was asked when I was going to get married.
Why do I feel like I haven't succeeded in the eyes of others until I "settle down" with a husband, babies, and a house with a yard? Because well, an apartment in Amsterdam doesn't really lend itself for building a family (but my neighbors are a family of 8 in a 3-bedroom apartment), does it?
Every time I took on another journey, another study, another endeavor, it was expressed as "only a phase." This "phase talk" made me feel that I was continuously on my way to that final destination: marriage and that what I was doing at that moment "didn't really count."
"Oh after this trip she'll settle down."
"Oh she's doing a masters, yeah do it while you can. After that you'll probably settle, right?"
"Oh extending your time in the US, well I can't ask you to become godmother of my child because you don't have a stable life. You understand, right?"
"Oh traveling through South America, yeah do it while you can."
So, for a few years I started living toward this destination. During my relationships I thought, is this the person I'll marry? Okay, where shall we live? When do we get married? When will we have kids?
P R E S S U R E
Until I felt... Why would I design my life around a non-existing marriage and non-existing children? I will redesign my life when the time comes, if it comes.
There is NO DESTINATION, ONLY THE JOURNEY. I feel love in my heart, live in the moment as much as I can, give to others, and seek to find my inner truths. I give, I live.
Yes, at this point in my life I would love to become a mommy and have a stable relationship with more certainty in my heart that he is the person I'm potentially building a family with, and I have my hormonal moments, but I don't want to push my life into directions that aren't natural (I allow myself to cry sometimes when I'm feeling it all too much when others are talking about babies or flaunting pictures of their precious children). I'm enjoying my kids, my students.
Do you want to see pictures of them?
Because I love them.
(I took this picture today at our school performance).
Amanda (22) I have known Amanda since she's 14, since the first project I did here. I was 22 at the time.
Lúbia (18) My bebezinha, known her since the last project in 2012.
Lucas (18) My other bebezinho, known him since the last project in 2012.
These kids have stole my heart and I love it when they call me mãe.
I'm 30, unmarried, and childless. I can so feel what this young, 26 year old woman is feeling (see writing in link).
Ever since my sister had a baby 7 years ago (mind you I was only 23 at that time-and more kids followed), people have asked me if I wanted to become a mom now too. I was called the "Last of the Mohicans" when my second sister got married. I was asked when I was going to get married.
Why do I feel like I haven't succeeded in the eyes of others until I "settle down" with a husband, babies, and a house with a yard? Because well, an apartment in Amsterdam doesn't really lend itself for building a family (but my neighbors are a family of 8 in a 3-bedroom apartment), does it?
Every time I took on another journey, another study, another endeavor, it was expressed as "only a phase." This "phase talk" made me feel that I was continuously on my way to that final destination: marriage and that what I was doing at that moment "didn't really count."
"Oh after this trip she'll settle down."
"Oh she's doing a masters, yeah do it while you can. After that you'll probably settle, right?"
"Oh extending your time in the US, well I can't ask you to become godmother of my child because you don't have a stable life. You understand, right?"
"Oh traveling through South America, yeah do it while you can."
So, for a few years I started living toward this destination. During my relationships I thought, is this the person I'll marry? Okay, where shall we live? When do we get married? When will we have kids?
P R E S S U R E
Until I felt... Why would I design my life around a non-existing marriage and non-existing children? I will redesign my life when the time comes, if it comes.
There is NO DESTINATION, ONLY THE JOURNEY. I feel love in my heart, live in the moment as much as I can, give to others, and seek to find my inner truths. I give, I live.
Yes, at this point in my life I would love to become a mommy and have a stable relationship with more certainty in my heart that he is the person I'm potentially building a family with, and I have my hormonal moments, but I don't want to push my life into directions that aren't natural (I allow myself to cry sometimes when I'm feeling it all too much when others are talking about babies or flaunting pictures of their precious children). I'm enjoying my kids, my students.
Do you want to see pictures of them?
Because I love them.
(I took this picture today at our school performance).
Amanda (22) I have known Amanda since she's 14, since the first project I did here. I was 22 at the time.
Lúbia (18) My bebezinha, known her since the last project in 2012.
Lucas (18) My other bebezinho, known him since the last project in 2012.
These kids have stole my heart and I love it when they call me mãe.
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