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Hello reader or fellow blogger, WELCOME! I am happy to see you on my blog: Exploring & Examining Life. This is a blog with philosophical and poetic posts. Join me on my journey of contemplation and self-discovery.

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

A look inside my head


There is a lot of shit in the world. Rape (as today’s revelation about the OU social work professor). Abuse. Murder. Poverty. Violent attacks (as today’s devastating grenades in Liège, Belgium). Female genital mutilation (as every five minutes across the globe…). And so on... Fortunately, I'm an optimist. Yes raped and abused, but not in poverty, violently attacked, genitally mutilated, and obviously not murdered. Thankfully. I feel like part of my purpose is to give voice to the ones without a voice. However, over the years I've become more a realistic optimist than an idealistic optimist. (I used to think I could and would save the world, I would let poverty disappear, and better the lives of all females who are suffering so they can be happy, healthy, and consider themselves worthy). With age, reality kicks in—at least it has for me. (I must say that I enjoy aging and I'm looking forward to turning 30 in about two years, but that's a story for a later time.) I would like to share a few things with you that have inspired (and some other things that have angered) me.

For example, today—because of my partner’s post on Facebook—I learned about the "Sand Dancer" from Australia. This man wasn't taught to be an artist, and he doesn't use visual aids before he starts, just his body and a wooden stick. He creates “ginormous” and beautiful creations in the sand on the beaches of Australia. He just must. He's moved to do so. Do we know why? No. Just like I have a passion for creating dance—which my friend Tara Najd Ahmadi called "radical." There's something extremely vulnerable about someone who follows their instinct, gut, impulses—or however we want to call it—because the majority of us are told that we should do the "right" thing. Many of us follow those instructions because we buy into the idea of having to create a “stable” life. But some just follow their heart. To me, that is the right thing. And because what they create, do, say, or make is genuine they maintain their authenticity. Wow! That's beautiful. Now, I don't agree with crazy people who go around killing and abusing people because it's genuine and authentic to them, I mean the people who haven't allowed the polluting words and acts of others break their spirit. These are the ones who live their lives and contribute to the world by beautifying it. Here’s the link to Peter Donnelly’s work by the way: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H6ZqKmaN2qw&feature=player_embedded#!

As I’m writing this not only have I come to learn that, Dwain Pellebon, a social work professor who lectured about abuse victims and abusers has been arrested for first degree rape and molestation of a minor, I have come to learn that an attack was made on Liège, Belgium… and innocent people died (http://www.dailynews.com/ci_19536875) People who say that they throw grenades because “they must” are crazy. Yes I can use that word. They are. Because they have been indoctrinated with thoughts that aren’t theirs. Their instinct has betrayed them because their minds have become polluted. Instinctively, people would only kill others when their lives are endangered. The fact that this type of people feels so threatened by fellow human beings who are waiting at a bus stop, shopping for Christmas gifts, or by toddlers who are looking at pretty holiday lights…. I don’t have words. What is happening.

What do we know about Nordine Amrani (33, who died in the attack himself). “In September 2008, he was sentenced to 58 months in prison and fined €11,000 for possession of 10 firearms, 9,500 gun parts along [with] 2,800 cannabis plants. [Amrani] kept them in his metal shop. He has a conviction for sexual abuse. Recent police has raided his home looking for marijuana. They wound weapons. The next time police saw [Amrani, he] stood on the roof of a baker’s shop shooting. He then, apparently, shot himself with a FAL assault rifle.” From source: http://www.anorak.co.uk/305218/news/nordine-amrani-profile-and-photos-of-liege-killer.html/ There’s no talk of terrorism or right wing extremism in Amrani’s case. Did the pot mess with his head?
Regardless of this moron’s motives, I am thinking of the terrorist attacks that have been committed by extremists (and of the Islam faith). Which leads me to think of a series of essays I finished reading last night, The Caged Virgin: An Emancipation Proclamation for Women and Islam, written by Ayaan Hirsi Ali. In her essays, she fervently discusses the brainwashing of Muslims and extremists’ thoughts that all Westerners will burn in hell when they have premarital sex, or just for not believing what they do. We shall not give in to asshole men who tell young girls that their genitals should be removed, that they should be sewn back together to ensure their virginity, pee and menstruate through the tiniest hole, be married out of the family to a distant cousin or an old nasty man, be pregnant until they can no longer, and to be beaten by their stranger husband when they “misbehave.” Come on people!

Earlier I mentioned Tara Najd Ahmadi, who’s an intelligent artist from Iran, a student working on her MFA whom I’ve had the privilege of assisting with writing. Her convictions regarding using art as a political platform to educate viewers on tensions in the Middle East, and her journey from restricted Iran to free America can be seen in her work. When she was one year old her parents were imprisoned because of their political activities against the Iranian regime. Tara and her motives for what she does from the first time we met, almost a year ago, intrigued me. Today, during our conversation about the meaning of our art forms I showed Tara my choreography. I believe that moment ignited a shift from our consultant-writer relationship to one of fellow artists and friendship. I loved her response to my work. “It’s radical.” Even though I felt I have had to censure my dance works because of living in a conservative place like Oklahoma, she found my dances to be “radical.” So, I have accomplished something. I interpret the word radical as positive. It reminds me of a fridge magnet I have: “Well-behaved women rarely make history.” Well there you go.

I had an intriguing conversation with a fellow young woman and feminist artist, and I had the pleasure to view art appearing in the wet sand of the Australian shore. Both people have different motivations or urges for why they do what they do, one person I know, the other I don’t… but then again I do. I understand. I empathize with both of them. Today I encountered two fellow human beings who are authentic, and I cannot say anything. I can just breathe, and feel a smile on the inside, as my heart is sharing its rooms for both the pain and enjoyment that life provides us.

But, right now, I’m also sad.



Tuesday, August 9, 2011

ESLELLEFLESOLEALESPEAPELFEILTESOLTEFLTESLELT

ESL = English as a Second Language
ELL = English Language Learner
EFL = English as as Foreign Language
ESOL = English for Speakers of Other Languages
EAL = English as an Additional Language
ESP = English for Specific Purposes
EAP = English for Academic Purposes
ELF = English as a Lingua Franca
EIL = English as an International Language
TESOL = Teaching English to Speakers of Other Languages
TEFL = Teaching English as a Foreign Language
TESL = Teaching English as a Second Language
ELT = English Language Teaching

While the International Teaching Assistant (ITA) Training is in session, and the teaching facilitators are getting the new international graduate TAs prepared for their classroom, I am checking my email in the "oasis" (our hospitality room) while two people from housing & food services enter to refresh our coffee and tea. One of the hospitality people asks "what this is for" and he follows up with "oh for the foreigners?" Having been in academia where everything needs to be expressed politically correct and "backed up" I caught myself being slightly offended by the word "foreigners," because we have conditioned ourselves to think that the word "internationals" is more respectful.

Then I thought about all the other words we are using to "specifically indicate" what we are talking about... The earlier described hospitality employee (usually undergraduate students) didn't seem to think about diplomacy; he reacted from his instinct without meaning ill. This brings me to many thoughts of what it means to be in academia... how we change our communication patterns... not wanting to "offend" anyone... if we are true to reality... what do we offer the world when we write up our articles with our numerous acronyms and descriptions that only other academics read....

I have no definitive answers to these thoughts and questions, just posing them here to share my thoughts. It's perhaps an interesting research study. I will now get back to my foreigners and share a cup of coffee with them.

Source used: http://esl.about.com/od/teachingenglish/a/esl_acronyms.htm by About.com on Tuesday, August 9, 2011.

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

What a World

When I look into your eyes
I see a world
a life
a world of opportunities
experiences
lives lived
400 years
i love you
your spirit
my soul
i love you
i am so glad to finally verbally express this to you again
welcome back
leave the door open
for our growing love
the profoundness of love
what does it mean?

l -----

o ----

v ----

e ----

We Are One - My New Revelation

When I think of you
I see the tree
the flower
the boat
on the water
the waves splashing
against her sides
elegantly floating through
--the energy of the world
In you I see all
-----the great spirit
-----the power
myself
you
the all-encompassing.

WOW

we are indeed
we are indeed connected as one
in you i see me
in me i see you



Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Choreographing is a Decision Making Process; so is Life

None lead to one. And one leads to understand we made the wrong one. One leads to the next. Next.

At the cusp of change I stand.

Before me I see an empty studio; my perspective changes as props are being put in place, bodies find their space, and movement is instructed/improvised/collaborated... Life.
How we fill it is our decision.

The process of creating a new dance. It's a decision making process. One decision shows something new. If it doesn't "work," we can reverse a mistake; either in the same rehearsal or in the next... but life isn't a rehearsal, is it?

Every decision determines a lesson we are going to learn. Some lessons last longer than a two-hour rehearsal, some may last two years, but I'm not conditioned to think that way --- Try it --- It doesn't work --- Change it --- Next --- Or... sit it out for a while and find (a different) meaning within that?

"Should I stay or should I go now?"

Today I will focus on the decision making process in the here and now for my new choreographic work "Duality of the Lotus." Now is the moment to live. Tomorrow is tomorrow. I'm making the decision to put off the decision.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

What a Difference a Day Makes

What day is it today? Not Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday... but a day where we feel and should understand that living never becomes easy. Let's be open to grow and continue to grow and understand that joy and suffering are in essence really one. I want to live a life of awareness where I heal what has been and embrace what comes my way.

Monday started with a psycho-therapeutic massage and ended with a life-altering idea
Tuesday was used to reflect and realize
Wednesday was the day when emotions were expressed and the idea was verbalized and supported
Thursday is the day of furthered inspiration and actualization

What a difference a day makes...

Words of sincere encouragement and trust in that you are fully capable can come from unexpected places.
There are days I just want to sing and shout "I love life" and I enjoy every part of the journey, as challenging as it may be sometimes. "In suffering lies opportunity."

Every day is a precious one.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

4 Short Poems

(written on 25 October 2010)

Where do you come from?
Can I trace you?
Do I want to?
I want you.
Just be with you.
Just be.
Be.
Be with me.
I love you.

********************************

When I see you, I smile.
Not just my mouth. I feel it in my eyes,
my nose, my lips, my ears, my hands writing this, my breasts
all my chakras are awakened.
No. 2 is up! Good morning!
Ik hou van jou lieverd.

********************************

Naked.
I am bare naked for you.
Vulnerable.

********************************

Your touch.
Your tush.


L.O.V.E.

(written on 25 October 2010)

Love
Did I wait for Her?
Did I await It?
How to Define the Divine
The Mystic
The Intangible
The most soaring
The indelible...

El
Oh
Vee
Eeh

with every breath
oh how I'm feeling it
My chakras are opening up, they are blossoming
like a beautiful Magnolia tree that
looked out over the sea,
the land, the sky,
and endured all seasons,
may now sprout, blossom
and enjoy all the elements,
because

You are air, water, earth & fire.

I'm feeling you on my skin,
in my trunk, on my branches, my leaves
You are the Air that strokes my skin,
the Fire that warms my heart,
the Earth that grounds me,
and the
Water that moves me.

Baby, you take me places.

It is okay

(written on 20 October 2010)

It is okay to love me
It is okay to love who you want to love

The stars up above
are shining down on me
showing me the path

It is okay to love you
It is okay to love who you want to love

On this day--and the next--and the next
It is Spirit Day--a day of respect,
shining brightly, engaging, and loving.

Purple.
Color.
Rainbow.
Respect.
and
Love...
Eternally.

It is okay to love and be loved.

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Circus


These thoughts are derived from a friend's facebook status that said:

Professional Career vs. Personal Life, to which I replied: "It's a juggle. Are we in a circus?" When he agreed, I immediately thought of all the participants (people and animals) involved in a circus, and the roles that they play.

Who are we? The clown who is entertaining the crowd? The monkey who is forced to make people laugh while he's crying on the inside? The pompous circus owner who is arrogant while insecure? Or do we wear all those hats at one point or another...

He replied: "We are on the tight-rope doing a balancing act, trying not to fall to the ground."
But there's a safety net!

We cannot live our lives in fear and worry, we have to take leaps. "Leap and the safety net will appear," says one of the arts cards I love so much. It's so true because even if "we're on the right path, if we stand still" we are not exploring the journey.

Lien.